Cold, dead hands
by DeathKnight KiraKira
Summary: Before Alphons was a Shinigami, he was a student. Before he was a student, he was a wandering soul from Kusajishi. These are some of his memories. An OC oneshot.


**Disclaimer: I don't own bleach... But I do own Alphons, Kin, and Shou! **

**Kira Michi also wrote a fic with Alphons in it called Technological Advancement. (Although he is an extra) If you haven't read it, I highly recommend it! Thank you and I hope you enjoy the story! Please be sure to rate and review! **

* * *

_It's been 5 years since Kin died to protect me and only 3 years since I entered the Seireitei and became a student. With only a ribbon and tattoo and a memento; I strive to continue on and complete this dream for her- my sister. We've travelled together for years and she taught me everything I know. Everything from building a fire to combat training. She even taught me about reiatsu and how to use it. All of it ended on the day she died. Ironically, she died in the same situation that brought us together. A hollow attack._

_It was a sunny day and there wasn't a cloud in the sky or a care in the world. It was after an excruciatingly difficult training session. She was teaching me about hand-to-hand combat. She told me that it would benefit me to learn this before moving on and becoming a Shinigami. I thought it was stupid, but I've never been so wrong. In fact; it would've been the one thing that could've saved her that day, had I known that this event would've occurred._

_I'm a student now. Not a very good one, at that, even though everyone else disagrees with me. They obviously believe that a good attitude has nothing to do with being a good student. No matter._

_I've put together quite the routine. I wake up, get dressed, train, go to the academy, train, only to go home and sleep. Not enough time to function like a normal person. Not enough time to break from my mechanical schedule. Every day was the same, monotonous, dull, and boring. But it was fine. It was comfortable. Comfort was the only thing I wanted and it was hard to come by. It didn't help that I never learned how to find it in the first place. _

_What did it matter? It's not like there's time for me to learn, anyways. Too much time spent on training to worry about such trivial matters._

"Alphons!" A voice yelled, breaking me away from my thoughts. "What'cha

doing?" The one who spoke is a pink hair, blue eyed man of the name Shou. He's another student who's studying to become a Shinigami. You could even say that he's my one true friend. He nudged my arm a bit after I didn't respond.

"Oh... Just thinking." I glanced around me and noticed that we were in the halls next to the library. I was on my way to check out a book, but got distracted by the rain that brought back old memories. Memories of love, loss, and adventure. But that wasn't something that I was willing to share with the man standing beside me. He came from a smaller numbered district and wouldn't understand.

"Oooh." Shou scowled. "Try not to think too hard, ya might hurt yourself." He laughed and nudged me again when I didn't laugh. "But seriously, don't stress yourself out over the little thinks. You'll be fine."

"I know." I finally smiled, albeit a rather small one. The pink haired man began to turn away after awhile; but stopped halfway.

"Hey... Are you busy?" He asked. "'Cause if you aren't there's somewhere I'd like you to go with me. It's a small restaurant that's just down the street. It won't take long to walk there." He used his most convincing smile on me, knowing that I would easily give in. I always gave in.

"No," he looked disappointed for a moment, "I'm free." and smiled at my response. "Give me a moment to return my book to the library and I'll be back to go with you to this… restaurant." I said after a moment of hesitation before turning to the library. I put my book into the slot quickly before making my way back to Shou. It took only a couple of minutes to walk there and back. "Alright, let's go."

"Alright, let's go." He repeated with a mirthful grin. It wasn't that unusual to find him in such a great mood like today. He was always such a happy-go-lucky guy and it kind of annoyed me. Seriously, who could possibly be _that_happy all the bloody time? It was ridiculous! "Theeen we can go and watch some training sessions together! Well… unless you want to train? We could always do that too!" he was also known for his enthusiasm. It would spread like herpes and infect everyone that comes in his path. Everyone would recognize that he was very well put-together individual. (Even if he didn't act it sometimes)

But there was a side to him that only I ever knew. He wasn't just a jovial man who loved to help others; he was also quite the prankster. He would pull the hugest pranks that nobody else ever knew about. Shou said that being completely anonymous was the best part of it all. He was a gentleman by day and a jokester by night. It was a wonder that nobody caught him. But this was Shou are talking about! He can do anything.

"There it is!" he pointed to the small building that was straight ahead. "I'll race ya to it!" he said shortly before breaking out into a full-on sprint; barely enough time for me to catch up with him. We ran for quite some time before stopping right in front of the building. The air felt like needle prickling our skin. It was a lot like flying! The freedom, the rush, and that thrill that came with it! We fell on the ground and tried to catch our breaths for a few minutes. We literally gave our all to the race. Running as fast as our well-trained legs could take us until we couldn't anymore.

We stayed like that for while watching the clouds and occasionally making offhanded remarks about how some of them look like inappropriate. Any "innocent bystanders" stared at us like we were crazy. It didn't bother us, though. THEY were the crazy ones for missing out on this fun! WE were simply enjoying our free afternoon. The last free afternoon we would have for quite some time and the last one we would spend together. But the two of us couldn't have known that. If we had, the fun would've started much sooner and we would have separated on better terms. But it couldn't have been helped.

"We should probably go inside now." I muttered thoughtlessly. "Ya know, before they close?" then I sent him a sideways glance, but he didn't return it. Instead, he sighed and placed his hands behind his head before whispering something incoherently. "What was that?" I asked teasingly.

"Who cares about the restaurant? Let's stay out here instead." He suggested- and so we did. We just sat there without a thought of the time or responsibilities. Nothing mattered at the time. Nothing but the wind on our faces and the grass beneath. No words were needed to fill in for the silence. Then came the questions. Was this the comfort I was searching for? Was this what I wanted all along? I couldn't say for certain, but it was definitely a nice change from the harsh reality of the real world.

"Do you ever think about death?" he asked suddenly with darkened eyes before fully twisting his body around to face me. "I do all the time." He supported his head with a bent elbow. "All. The. Time." He said once more. This was definitely an out of character thing for him to ask. I knew in that moment that something was off, but I didn't want to think about it. I just wanted to continue our peaceful afternoon in utter silence- if all possible. With no words of death or pain- only complete, serene silence.

I couldn't bring myself to respond. The question was still hanging in the air. Do I think about death? Of course! Would I ever admit to it?

"Why all of a sudden? What do you want from me?" but that didn't stop me from showing signs of anger. "Why are you talking like this?" It made me question his motives for being here. "Did you see me just to say this?" His ashamed look said it all. He turned away and refused to look me in the eye. I needed no more evidence. "Unbelievable. Unbelievable!" I stood up and brushed off my pants before turning to leave.

"Don't you?" only the wind could hear his faint whisper.

Alphons stormed through the halls of the dorms until he found his room. It was small and clean and showed no signs of life other than his. He didn't have a roommate as of today. It wasn't likely that he would be getting one any time soon. He tended to scare others off with his cold demeanor and the strange, black triangle tattoo on his wrist. His whole appearance was altogether strange. He wore his hair in a long, blonde pony tail with spiky bangs and tied back his sleeves so that they wouldn't block the view of his tattoo. It, along with the ribbon holding up his hair were both mementoes to his deceased friend, sister, and teacher- Kin.

He shouldn't have known about her considering that he never told anyone. But there was no other explanation! Why would he suddenly bring up such a topic if it didn't have some sort of purpose behind it? Alphons pondered for awhile, his hand held tightly together under his chin. It would've been so much easier if that idiot would've kept his mouth shut! Who spoke about things like that, anyways? Alphons clenched his hand so tightly that he drew blood where his nails scraped skin.

The question was- did Shou even know about Kin or was the blonde going off and making wild accusations without any reasoning behind it? If he did know, how did he find out and what did he plan on doing with this information? Hopefully it wasn't anything that would cause him problems.

He looked out the window into the starry night. It was so simple before. He didn't have to worry about a thing when he was with Kin while visiting the safer districts. In those 6 months he felt so free, so alive! Then she had to take them back to the 79th to do some more extensive training. Only for her to die the day they arrived there. At this point Alphons was already strong enough to take care of himself; though not strong enough to become a Shinigami. He could fight hollows, just not in swarms. The only reason he lived that day was because he hid like a coward. The only reason she died that day was because she told him to run away. So he did. Did Shou know that, too?

Alphons gritted his teeth while remembering that day so long ago.

_"Alphons-kun!" Kin chased after him through the district. Bodies lay tattered and torn in all directions and smelled of rotten flesh. And dried blood. It was a truly grotesque scene and he wondered why he ever agreed to come back to this retched place. "Wait for me!" he knew that she could easily keep up with him if she tried. The girl was just being lazy. He didn't care, though._

_"Well then run faster." He taunted._

_"Ugh! Men are so damn troublesome." She shook her head while running and picked up the pace. She was hot on his heels in no time and now HE had to speed up so that she wouldn't walk all over his heels. "Now who's the slow one, Al?" he grimaced at the name, but said nothing. She wasn't usually this energetic, which bothered him. Kin was the quiet type who would give orders and never joked around about anything. This couldn't be right and he knew it. Something was wrong. Was this woman even Kin? "Why so serious?" Then he knew._

_"You aren't Kin." He muttered at first, unsure of himself. Even though she looked like kin with her long, silky black hair and dark brown eyes. Her build was small, yet strong. It was a perfect imitation in everything. Well, except for a certain little, black tattoo._

_"What do you mean? Of course I'm Kin, silly!" she smiled after showing a look of annoyance- the only Kin-like thing this impersonator did. Normally Kin would have that permanent look of general enmity for all living things. When she didn't, she seemed to be… indifferent._

_"No, you're not. Kin wouldn't have said any of those things and she certainly isn't lazy." He scowled. "You obviously didn't do your homework if you though that this would actually work on me. I'm insulted, actually." He noticed her suddenly stiffened posture as she passed to his right side. Something was up and he had to figure out just what it was. "You're not Kin." He said it with authority this time. She made a noise. Her eyebrows furrowed._

_"Why isn't my word good enough for you? I AM KIN!" She screamed while trembling._

_"But you're not." He stated and she smirked._

He should've known earlier that the woman was off, but he was so preoccupied with his future that he didn't notice the difference. She was all wrong. She wasn't the woman that watched after him for all those years. It was really a hollow impersonating Kin. He would've known that if he didn't run to the hills when his sensei was in danger. He would've known that she was already dead. Did Shou know THAT? He threw his arms in the air and dropped onto his bed while thinking of his current predicament.

"What do you know?" he asked to no one in particular. He was met by silence- as expected. If he had heard a voice he would have instantly signed up for the mental institution. That it, if they even had something like that here in soul society. He grimaced.

_"If they had something like that, most of the 11__th__ division would be there."_Thought bitterly and chuckled in spite of it. _"And 12__th__._ He added as an afterthought. The place would be packed full of these people who call themselves "Shinigami". What a sight THAT would be. He could've laughed, but something prevented him from doing so. The mood, maybe? The issue at hand didn't help much, either.

He began to count the lines on his hands after awhile of trying to distract himself from the thoughts that Shou may know more than he should. It wasn't working. He should've known that it would've been futile, yet he tried anyways. What a joke! He rolled over and buried his head into the pillow and let out a long sigh. This wasn't working. He had to talk to Shou! So he put his shoes back and leapt to the rooftops before tracking down the other student. He couldn't find him anywhere.

He focused in harder, his ponytail whipping in the wind behind him as he ran. He figured that there was only so many places that you'd find a man like Shou. He would usually be found in the library, a pub, the training grounds, and the place where he pulls his pranks. So far he was nowhere to be seen. Although it was a specious assumption, he even checked out the areas surrounding the dorms. Alphons even began to ask where he could find him. But the man was nowhere to be seen. He let out a long sigh of exasperation before moving on to other places. He had to be somewhere. Nobody just disappears like that!

Shou left soul society. He couldn't take any more of it. So he ran back into the districts to kill some hollows. At least there he wouldn't have to worry about society and its rules. He could be free and not care about anything. He wasn't sure why Alphons looked so mad before storming off. It was only a question! It wasn't meant to set off whatever memories it set off for him.

The pinkette shrugged and dropped to the ground with a loud thump. _"Oh well," _he thought. _"Looks like I'll never know."_


End file.
